“Face-to-face conversation is one of the most humanizing and human things we do,” Turkle has said. More recently, she’s noted the worrisome trend of how technology is making us forget what’s important in life – namely intimate conversations and time spent together. ![]() Turkle has spent 30 years studying how technology is transforming our relationships. “Our little devices are so psychologically powerful that they don’t just change what we do, they change who we are,” says Sherry Turkle, a sociologist and MIT professor, in her TED talk: “Alone, but Connected.” As anyone who has ever had a friend scroll through their Facebook feed or send a text during dinner can attest. Interestingly, most of us say that using cell phones when we’re together hurts the quality of our relationships. Nearly 90% of cell phone owners say they use their devices during social gatherings, according to the Pew Research Center. Cell phones also have become an integral part of our in person get-togethers. The study showed that these effects apparently subside once kids lay off their devices for five days or more.īut another review of 72 studies by University of Michigan researchers found that empathy among college students has decreased 40% over the past 30 years, with the most dramatic changes occurring in the past decade when cell phones became omnipresent. We also know that social media affects our relationships and it’s not always for the better, resulting in FOMO, a colloquial acronym meaning “Fear of Missing Out.”.Ī UCLA study, for example, showed that children’s social skills might be declining as they spend more time on devices and less time interacting with others face-to-face. We do know that loneliness has become an epidemic in the digital age. It’s hard to know if social media is ruining our “real” friendships. In the age of social media, full of well connected, but not necessarily intimate virtual friendships, Barkley and Lin’s relationship seems special if not rare. But more than that, Barkley and Lin’s story was about friendship – real, authentic, heartfelt friendship – built on time spent in conversation and sharing experiences together That’s one of the reasons why their odd-duck union captivated millions. It’s certainly surprising that a famous basketball star would befriend someone so far out of the limelight like Lin. “I’m so blessed to have known him,” Barkley said at Lin’s funeral. ![]() And when Lin died, Barkley was on hand to give a eulogy. When Barkley’s mother died, Lin attended the funeral. Over the years, the friendship deepened as Barkley and Lin spent more time together. Then, they had dinner together and talked for hours more. The two struck up a conversation that lasted for hours. Barkley met the late Lin Wang in the bar of a Sacramento hotel where he was giving a speech. ![]() Recently, a story about basketball star Charles Barkley’s unlikely friendship with a cat litter scientist in Iowa went viral. If you see me walking down the street (you might recognize me in my bow tie) stop and say “hi”, even if I do not know you. That is…unless I say “hi” first.The Digital BFF: How Social Media Is Changing Friendships I include myself when I note that many people today are absorbed in what we call distant-present. Yet, moments of intervention in a stranger’s life can change our lives, and theirs. My kids still talk about how I, several years ago, at some risk to my own physical safety, stepped in to help a homeless man who was being harassed by other “gentlemen” in downtown DC. Strangers can sometimes even save lives, not just change them. The second validation for stranger no-danger that I recently found was in a book, When Strangers Meet: How People You Don't Know Can Transform You. It started as a TED Talk from Kio Stark and then turned in to a book. Like the first unlikely conversation between Lin Wang and Charles Barkley, talking to strangers can have transformative power. It took a long time, but I finally found validation in talking to strangers. First, I found an amazing and heartening story on NPR by Shirley Wang, about her regular-guy dad, Lin Wang, and his most unlikely and strong friendship with Charles Barkley. It’s an almost impossible friendship that was sustained over time and distance. The story, My Dad's Friendship With Charles Barkley, will melt your heart. ![]() For several of my formative years, I was embarrassed by many things my father did. High up on that list was his annoying habit of talking to complete strangers. Only later in life did I see the value and surprise (pleasant and less so) in overcoming fear, becoming vulnerable, and actually talking to strangers. I don’t do this every day, but enough that it now annoys my kids.
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